Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
