Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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