I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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