why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
