Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
