I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
