I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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