Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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