end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
