I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
