so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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