I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
