I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
two words...techno handjob
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
