Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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