from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
