you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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