yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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