just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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