i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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