Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
