im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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