I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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