My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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