dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
