This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
