He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
