If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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