he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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