Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
