Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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