so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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