That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
