Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is not my ceiling
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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