2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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