Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
