please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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