other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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