I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
