Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
