Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
