My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
