You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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