booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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