He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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