she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
