Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
