You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
