NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
