Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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