I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
