It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
