I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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