I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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