I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
