Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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