Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
then he tried to convert me to islam
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
