I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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